I have been catching up on reading the blogs that I follow. I haven’t done any blog reading for a couple of days as we have had visitors. I have just read a post on a blog called Strawberries of Integrity. It’s a blog from Canberra, where I lived for many years.
The post was the result of some notes taken at a conference session on building healthy relationships. I thought that the points made were pertinent and so I have reblogged it here.
Choices are empowering
Notes from a training session/videoconference i attended at work a few weeks ago. I took hand written notes and they have been sitting in my handbag for a couple of weeks…percolating i think! Neville, from Relationships Australia lead a session on ‘building healthy relationships’ and he was good, no slides, just a lot of wisdom, and he managed to include all staff on six campuses through videoconference, no mean feat!!!
Learn for relate to ourselves, with acceptance. Is our life defined by other people? Dominated by those with strong personalities. If we rely on external to be OK, that is not good. If trying to please other people – this won’t work either. People are imperfect.
Sometimes events distort our view
Self talk can be positive and negative
Think of an example of being emotionally hurt….
1/ What am I saying to myself as a result?
2/ A feeling word that describes how I felt
3/ How can I challenge this particular script
4/ Establish an alternative thought and move on – negative to positive
Three things – foundation on which we build out lives
Security – sense of being loved, livable, somewhere I fit, I belong
Self worth – sense of value, I have value, there is no one like me on the planet
Significance – meaning and purpose in my life, what makes me tick?
Reflect on what you a good at….and do it often, the true you, the authentic self, empower yourself
Generate healthy relationships with other people. Move towards or move away from.
If family, you can be stuck! Need to find a way, work on it. We have choices in our relationships. Does the relationship energize or deflate? Choices are empowering. Generate a reason to make space. There is always a choice. Check out what I am doing. Could I do it differently perhaps? Place boundaries…good stuff in, bad stuff out. Learning to say yes and learning to say no. Think of physical, mental and emotional boundaries.
Think about persons that you have relationships with…..do I give more energy, effort making certain relationships work? How do I take control of my life and remove stress.
Don’t blame others for your negative feelings.
Be responsible for your own thoughts and feelings.
How to create healthy relationships
Take 5 minutes in every 24 hours for meaningful communication
Honoring each other, place high value on each other.
Face your challenges – don’t run away from them
Don’t be part of the problem.
Discuss your fears in an appropriate manner, not always crying or yelling….
Develop resilience to bounce back
Trust – take a risk, trust a person to give honest feedback
Quality of gratitude – being thankful, not looking for a negative, look for a positive, why do we go for a negative first? Go for … Wow an opportunity!!
What if being really honest is going to hurt? Better to say nothing, be creative, honesty can hurt. How can we do this differently, doesn’t blame them or you…the we is important.